This Thing We Call Dating
Modern dating today feels like a never-ending carousel of swipes, one-night stands, and "situationships." Remember when going on a date meant butterflies in your stomach and meaningful conversations over dinner? Now it often means matching on an app, chatting in emojis, and meeting up just to ahem "hang out." Romance is on life support – killed by hookup culture’s obsession with instant gratification. At the risk of sounding like a grumpy old timer (or your grandma), I'm here to sarcastically argue that maybe – just maybe – the old rule of "no sex before marriage" might be the surprising solution to this hot mess. I know, cue the gasps and eye-rolls. But hang tight and enjoy the ride as we roast modern dating and make the case (with a wink) for saving the fun for after the rings. 😉
The Hookup Loop: Swipe, Fling, Repeat
Dating has become a mindless cycle of quick flings and trial-and-error relationships. Thanks to dating apps, your next "connection" is always one swipe away, so why bother working on anything real, right? We’re treating dating like a buffet – sampling a bit of everything, never committing to a full meal. Go on a date, Netflix-and-chill, then ghost or get ghosted, and repeat with a new match next week. It’s exhausting.
Ironically, even the apps themselves encourage this carousel. Tinder’s own ad once quipped, "Meet the love of your night." Yes, you read that right – night, not *life (Confronting the Toll of Hookup Culture | Institute for Family Studies)】. In other words, why strive for Prince or Princess Charming when you can have a pumpkin by midnight? 🙄 The message is clear: don't expect a fairy tale, just enjoy your fleeting fling. The result? Hookup culture running rampant, where commitment is a mythical creature and "lonely nights" are cured by quick fixes instead of genuine connecti. We’ve basically turned love into a fast-food experience – quick, cheap, and ultimately leaving us unsatisfied.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not here clutching my pearls saying no one should have fun. But let's face facts: when dating becomes a sport of collecting experiences instead of building bonds, everyone loses. You might get a temporary ego boost from a match or a fling – a little “game” of feeling desired – but it's a game that “nobody wins” in the end . The morning after, you’re back to feeling empty or wondering what the heck you’re doing with your life. Yay, so fulfilling! (said no one ever). Think about it: the holy grail of modern dating is often that “It’s a match!” notification on a hot-pink app screen. Two people swipe right and boom – instant excitement, instant validation. But after the dopamine hit fades, where does that leave us? In a sea of shallow chats and surface-level connections. It’s like getting a present that's all pretty wrapping but nothing inside. We crave the thrill of the match and the hookup, yet complain that dating is “meaningless.” Oh, the irony! We’ve essentially gamified our love lives, and we're stuck on a loop of swipe, fling, repeat with very little to show for it except maybe some funny stories and a lot of confusion.
Deep Love, Shallow Habits (AKA Everyone Wants Love… Kinda)
Here’s the hilarious irony: people say they want deep, meaningful love – the kind you see in rom-coms or those sappy TikToks. We put "looking for something real" in our bios and daydream about a soulmate. But our actions? Totally the opposite. We treat sex and intimacy like they’re as casual as ordering a pizza. Friday night: hook up with a near-stranger. Saturday morning: wonder why you feel hollow. It’s a weekly ritual of longing for love while settling for likes and lust.
I mean, come on – how many times have you heard someone lament, “Ugh, I just want a genuine connection,” only to watch them swipe right on the next attractive profile without reading the bio? Or they dive into bed by date #2 and then are shocked – shocked! – when things fizzle out. We want the Notebook-level romance, but we’re stuck in a Tinder reality show. It's like we’re all auditioning for “America’s Next Top Emotionally Unavailable Hookup.” 🙃
The result? A lot of us end up burnt out and disillusioned. We’ve gotten so used to this shallow routine that trust and true intimacy feel like ancient history. People start thinking maybe real love just isn’t in the cards anymore. (Spoiler: It is, we’re just sabotaging ourselves.) In fact, surveys show a huge chunk of folks feel pretty crummy after casual hookups – regret, low self-esteem, you name it. One large APA survey found a whopping 82.6% of college students felt negative emotional consequences after hookups (surprise, surprise) . So we’re caught in this absurd paradox: we yearn for love, yet we behave in ways that practically guarantee we won’t find it. Cue the collective facepalm.
And here's where I trot out the most eye-roll inducing solution (that might actually help): stop treating sex like a handshake. Yup, I said it. What if we put the brakes on the bedroom antics and actually got to know someone first? Wild concept, I know.
Let Love Marinate (Instead of Microwaving It)
Instant gratification has trained us to microwave our relationships – heat ’em up fast with physical chemistry and hope something tasty comes out. But more often than not, it’s just a lukewarm mess. So, what if we let love marinate instead? Think slow-cooker, not drive-thru. Old-school courtship, engage!
Choosing to wait before hopping into bed is like saying, "Hey, let’s actually talk and bond a bit." You give yourselves time to learn each other's middle names, favorite movies, childhood traumas, and whether they squeeze the toothpaste from the middle. You build anticipation, emotional intimacy, and – shocker – actual friendship. By the time you add sex into the mix, it means so much more because you actually care about each other beyond just bodies.
There’s even some science to back up this crazy idea. Research has found that couples who wait a bit before doing the deed end up happier in the long run. One study at Cornell University found that people who waited at least 6 months to have sex were happier in their relationships than those who didn’t (Why Waiting to Have Sex May Be Good for Your Relationship - Business Insider)38. Another researcher, Sandra Metts, discovered that **waiting until after saying “I love you” led to more positive relationship outcome (Why Waiting to Have Sex May Be Good for Your Relationship - Business Insider)38】. It’s like delayed gratification = deeper satisfaction, folks. Who would have thunk?
Now, I’m not saying we all need to become saints overnight. But consider this: if what we’re doing now (the whole jump-into-bed ASAP routine) isn’t yielding the love and fulfillment we want, maybe it’s time to try a different approach. Cue the slogan: Make Dating Meaningful Again. Instead of rushing to physical intimacy, pump the brakes and invest in emotional intimacy first. Worst-case scenario, you end up with a great friend if the romance doesn’t pan out. Best-case scenario, you form a bond so solid that the physical part, when it finally happens, is fireworks built on feelings, not just pheromones. Consider how modern dates usually go: two people swiping on their phones even when they’re supposedly together. (Romantic, right?) We’ve normalized a culture where people hardly know each other’s favorite color or life goals, but they know each other’s birthmarks intimately. By holding off on sex, you flip the script. Suddenly, you’re forced (in a good way) to court – you talk for hours, go on creative dates, meet each other’s friends, solve escape rooms together, whatever – all without the pressure of "Will we or won’t we tonight?" It’s like dating in retro mode, and it actually lets love simmer slowly to see if something real is cooking.
Why 'No Nookie Before Nuptials' Isn’t as Crazy as It Sounds
Alright, time to fully embrace the sarcasm and spell out why the old "no sex before marriage" rule might actually make sense today (yes, in this economy!). Grab your popcorn, because I’m about to play devil’s advocate for chastity with tongue firmly in cheek. Here are a few shockingly sensible reasons to hold the sex until you put a ring on it:
You Actually Talk (Gasp!): When sex is off the table, you fill that space with conversation and activities. You might discover your partner’s dreams, values, and dumb jokes before seeing them naked. Communication for the win! Who knew discussing life goals could be as thrilling as a hot make-out? 😉
Emotional Connection on Steroids: By waiting, you build up a crazy amount of emotional tension (the good kind). Every date feels a bit like a Jane Austen novel – stolen glances, fluttery feelings – except set in the 21st century. By the time you’re actually married, you’re not just physically ready; you’re mentally and emotionally in sync too. It’s like leveling up in intimacy without sleeping together.
No Mixed Signal Gymnastics: Ever done the “are we just hooking up or do we like-like each other” mental gymnastics? Yeah, not fun. Abstaining clears that right up. If someone sticks around without sex, they’re probably into you, not just your...assets. You’ll know your relationship is built on mutual respect, care, and actual interest, not convenience. The DTR (Define The Relationship) talks become way less awkward when you haven’t already fast-forwarded to physical intimacy.
Fewer Regrets, Fewer Ghosts: Let’s face it, one big downside of casual romps is the potential for regret and awkward ghosting aftermaths. By waiting, you pretty much eliminate the chance of waking up thinking “Oops, that was a mistake” or having someone vanish because things got too intense too fast. You’re moving slow and intentionally, so if it ends, it ends with clarity (and fully clothed).
Ultimate Long Game Flex: In the age of instant everything, delaying sex is the ultimate power move. It’s like saying “We’re so serious about finding real love that we’re willing to be uncool and wait.” How rebellious! If you do make it to the altar, imagine the bragging rights of being one of those rare couples who actually waited. (Cue shocked faces of your friends). Plus, wedding night magic hits different when it’s a true first – talk about a grand finale for the slow-burn romance.
Now, obviously this approach isn’t for everyone, and it requires two people on the same page (minor detail: you both gotta agree on this plan, otherwise awkward). But the larger point stands: slowing down the physical stuff can seriously up the quality of the connection. You focus on all the other compatibility stuff that actually makes a marriage work, long before you’re literally in bed with major life decisions.
Conclusion: Old-School Wisdom for New-Age Love
In a dating landscape littered with ghosted text threads, cringe pickup lines, and commitment-phobic “partners,” it might be time to admit that our hyper-sexed, fast-paced approach to love just isn’t working. The meaningless cycle of swipe and hookup has left a lot of us feeling, well, empty. So here I am, semi-seriously suggesting we take a page from Grandma’s rulebook and pause the bedroom Olympics until we lock it down with someone truly special.
"Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral." - 1. Hebrews 13:4 (NIV)
Sure, “no sex before marriage” sounds outdated and downright laughable to many. But after seeing what passes for courtship these days, doesn’t a little old-fashioned patience sound refreshing? By holding out for commitment, we just might bring back real courtship, deep friendship, and lasting romance. Imagine actually falling in love with someone's soul before experiencing their body – what a concept!
At the very least, trying this approach could make dating fun again. No pressure to perform, no worries about being used and tossed aside – just two people seeing if they truly click. And if they do, they’ve built a rock-solid foundation for the future. If they don’t, no harm, no foul (and no weird post-breakup comparisons about exes in bed).
In the end, this isn’t about being prudish; it’s about giving love a fighting chance in a culture that keeps undermining it. So the next time you’re lamenting how hookup culture ruined dating, consider this crazy thought: maybe not hooking up is the plot twist your love life needs. Slow it down, save the drama (and the trauma), and let real connection grow. Who knows? You might just find that taking sex out of the equation for a while lets you discover a kind of romance you thought only existed in movies – minus the cheesy soundtrack.
And hey, if nothing else, you’ll have one heck of a story to tell: “Yeah, we waited till marriage. Crazy, right? But look at us now – actually happy.” Now that’s a happy ending worth swiping right on.
